Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
