you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize