dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
