he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
