its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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