why didn't you poke me back
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I skipped work to stalk him.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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