if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
