Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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