She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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