why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
