i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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