Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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