I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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