There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
