I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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