You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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