oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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