those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
