You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
