I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
