o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
