All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
