I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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