Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I cut my penus on the lid.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
