Whod you bang
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
