i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
