After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
