omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
