I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's like iHOP with fire
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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