I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
