Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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