Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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