I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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