I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
