I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
