Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
