I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
