Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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