I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
