I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
