There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
