Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
