So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He shit in the fireplace
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
