I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
