i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
