I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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