I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
