we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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