This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
