i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
