Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
