Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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