If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
