The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
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Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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