forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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