D3 body, D1 cock
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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