do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
