Swine flu. Run for my life!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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