If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
