so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
