yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
