he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
organizing the empties. That sober.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
