dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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