I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
