You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
