it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
