Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
