There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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