you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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