I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
