literally had 100 drinks last night.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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