he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
