I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you will always have a special place in my vag
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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