yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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