If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
