Fine. I'll sleep in my office
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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