so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
