Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
