I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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